First Love 1998

Nagmahal.. Nasaktan.. Nagmahal muli.
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thespicyhotsauce
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First Love 1998

Post by thespicyhotsauce » Sat Nov 06, 2021 2:36 am

Higit dalawang dekada na lumipas pero di ka nawala sa panaginip ko. minsan ayoko na magising kasi napuputol at masaya ko kasama kita sa panaginip ko pag gising ko wala ka na. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin sayo pero hindi ko alam kung paano.

Dear Kat,

Naalala mo pa ba yung sinabi ko na kailangan ko lumipat ng school dahil bumagsak ako sa dalawang major subjects. yun ang alam mo.. ang alam ko mas pinagtuunan ko ng pansin ang "Tayo". sinubukan ko lapitan yung putanginang teacher na nagbagsak sakin para humingi ng special project para makapasa pero ayaw. nakagawa ng paraan at nakausap ang school at pumayag na wag na ma kick out pero kailangan ko ulitin yung first year high school. magandang balita makakasama kita sakto first year ka na din pero sa isang banda naisip ko maiiwan ako ng mga ka batch ko at second year na sila at makikita nila ako doon medyo nakakahiya. nanlaban ang pagibig ko sayo at ang hiya... sabi hindi magwowork ang relationship kasi ibang school na ako yan ang naglalaro sa isip ko.. tinimbang ko lahat, pero mabigat sa dibdib ko minabuti ko umalis at lumipat ng school. hindi ako nagpabaya dinadalaw pa rin kita araw araw kahit na hindi ko na alam kung ano na tayo.. hanggang isang araw may dala akong asul na rosas pagbisita sa school mo na dating school ko.. nakipagpatintero sa security guard dahil bawal ang taga labas pumasok.. at bigla kitang nakita mga tatlong kotse ang layo mo sakin ng makita ko ang mukha mong masaya.. habang kahawak mo ang kamay ng iba... unti unti akong nabingi at walang nadidinig sa paligid ko kundi ang kalabog ng puso ko na pabilis ng pabilis.. habang hawak ko sa likod ko ang asul na rosas bigla akong napaatras dahal dahan palabas ng gate.. naglakad pauwi na nakatungo sa kalsada ng ilang oras hanggang maabot ang kwarto sabay buhos ng mga luha ko.... na parabang ayaw tumigil.. para itong tubig na umaagos tulad ng isang ilog..


2001, nakatanggap ako ng tawag hindi ko alam kung paano mo ako nacontact pero sabi mo iniimbitahan mo ako sa despidida party mo dahil magmigrate na kayo sa US. ako naman patay malisha na parang walang nangyari sumagot ng oo darating ako. darating ako na umaasa na maayos ko pa ang lahat pero.. nung nakita kita para lang akong anino na sunod ng sunod sayo pero hindi mo masyado pinapansin, kaya uminom na lang ako hanggang sa malasing sa party mo hanggang sumuka sa umaga sa harap mo at umuwing bigo..

2021 na pero yung puso ko laman ka pa din, sinubukan ko magmahal ng iba pero hindi ko na maramdaman ulit yung tulad ng naramdaman ko sayo na pilit kong hinahanap hanap... ang sakit.. wala akong magawa.. kahit hindi kita isipin bigla ka na lang pumapasok sa isip ko, marinig ko lang ang mga kanta noon tapos na aalala na kita.. madaanan ko ang mga lugar na pinuntahan natin naalala kita.. piniit ko kalimutan pinilit ko mag move on pero bakit ganun.. ikaw ang hanap ng puso ko kahit pilit ko binubura lahat ng alaala mo.
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TheSpicyHotSauce 8-)

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